soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
