So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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