everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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