im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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