Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
