Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize