well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
