goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
