she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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