She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
