I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
