You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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