Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
