What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
