Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we should paint friendship bongs
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
