we have officially lost it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
