Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
