I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
