I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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