Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize