I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
