So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize