Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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