Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
