Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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