I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
