barbara walters just said penis...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
