why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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