I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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