I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
