dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
