Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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