I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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