I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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