Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
