I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
