I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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