Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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