Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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