Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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