I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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