listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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