I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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