Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
