worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There r osticjed everywhere
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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