I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
