A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
