at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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