Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
