I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
