I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
