We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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