my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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