Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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