Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
