Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
