Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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