i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He keeps bees of course he's weird
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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