wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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