i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
