You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
