I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
