I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
