real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
