it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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