Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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