Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
