I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
