I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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