he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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