you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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