capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
