Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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