I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
