I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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