He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
