Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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