Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
