The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
